Interesting observation you have made there, Watson. Why do you believe you are out of control for some inexplicable reason? Have your relationships deteriorated due to excessive drinking which has turned uncontrollable? Then perhaps the question is justified and you should be commended for your ability to reflect on the current and sorry state of things. How badly did you bruise your crippling ego? How did you become so prickly when someone pushed into the direction you disliked?
After a long night of terror
After a string of nights when you lulled yourself to sleep after a consultation with the bottle of Scotch or worse, you are finally aware that something is amiss about the way you manage your life without strings attached. What enters your life now is the need to keep that bottle close to your body and entrust it with the pains of life that do not want to go away the very next morning. You see to that you follow that night with another one and finally they become a blurred passage of days and nights which see no end. You would like to get off the train whizzing off to the future on which you sit in with bleary eyes that understand little. But a point has been made. You are getting closer to the next station with the sign that reads Hello there! Life’s Hell but We Make It Better for You. Your own attempts now should be to reach out for it and set the train’s brakes right to avoid a collision. Perhaps you only managed to escape narrowly whatever that was on your track veering away abruptly into the rock set in the ground with the cross on the top of it.
There come the dimmed lights of the day
You were lying in the waste and your own urine and you felt what it means to hit the bottom all of a sudden. Or someone just mentioned in the passing that you looked a bit too like a drunkard, though you may have shrugged it off without much remorse. Each to his own as they say, but this was the attitude that is there no longer as you are acutely aware that the pain hasn’t receded one bit.
In light of your reflections on what it means to be addicted to the constant thrill of hot poison buzzing inside your ventricles, your overall attitude is slightly changed, which is good for you, but it doesn’t signal any kind of change, just an intro to the long journey into the day ahead of you. That is impressive enough to make you feel more certain of the light’s existence without disproving it one bit.
The above was only meant to hint away at the possibility that the new dawn is about to rise another day. Should you quit drinking? The answer is already inside you.